Nirvana for me

When I lose my mind, I go back to touching my feelings looking for bliss, delight and peace; all at the same time. I try listening to myself, picturing my own end. It’s like finding me at the corner of the wrong turn, smoking the last cigarette all alone, waiting for the email that never came, and the phone that never rang.

From there I step down the memory lane, where the most beautiful eyes cared for me, my lord had rest and peace for me. Where life was my own bitch and days passed roaming around with my own personalized form of drug. My words decepted her, my songs incepted her, while we watched the day getting darker and the shades getting lighter.

Then I walk towards the year that changed my life, the year when I met her, 2005, it was a good year. No internet, cell phones, texting, twitting, twatting, chatting and I was yet to fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me. Since then "it was all about her".

I walk further down the haunted road not taken, in the haste where I feel like a waste. The road that was regressing and unsavory. But hey, love was never my métier and I was still learning. Messed it up to an extent where the prodigal could never be accepted back. All I could do was serve my own self with a bottle of beer, tune in the channel called life, flash forward my heart breaks and watch my own self again, child in the body of a man, tearing down to pieces.

Coming back to the real world, which you, me and everyone else has to survive in, Nirvana for me would be the day when it would all start with her face in front of my eyes, waking up in her arms and resting in peace forever.